Hello gang. Now before you INSTANTLY assume I am telling a tall tale this time around, I am going to say this. I’m not. I know my name is Fake News Nate. However, this is not fake. I simply decided to report on it due to the fact that I have been a supporter and player of “D & D” since around 1995 and I’ve endured the perils of spending more than an hour in a gaming shop. What peril, do you ask, besides being labeled a loser or nerd? How about the overwhelming power of bad B.O.? Luckily, Old Spice has entered the gaming scene, and with its debut character class, perhaps there will be a growing interest in actually using the product as well…
I’ve spent about 8 minutes carefully gathering the information about this exciting development in the world of gaming and I will now share with you what I remember from that time spent. Announced earlier this week via Twitter, the character class introduced is to be known as the “Gentleman” class. I know…fancy. Apparently the rules and information can be downloaded from their site. No, I’m not linking it. I can’t do everything for you. Geez.
Some of the abilities granted by the class are completely absurd, and seemingly based on years of hilarious Old Spice commercials. From what I read (skimmed, quickly) one can turn into a dog, magically summon horses, and pretty much undermine everything the DM (the “story teller” if you didn’t know) tries to set in motion. Things like getting hair cuts and dressing in fancy clothes have beneficial effects for the player and the party.
While this seems like a fun character to roleplay and would always provide humor, it occurs to me that “The Gentleman” would be a complete nightmare to the DM. “Hey guys, my friend is coming to play D&D with us tonight. He wants to play as a “Gentleman”. Is that cool? ” Hmm. As a DM myself, I’d try to accommodate a new player into the game as best as I could…
However after the first round of defeating enemies by using catch phrases and turning into a talking dog, I’d have to make a few…adjustments. “Oh no…tragedy!! A rogue lightning bolt hits your “Gentleman”…He is struck dead and unable to return.” The poor fella would complain that it was impossible, seeing that we were adventuring deep in a cave, but hey. If you can summon horses and heal people with your smell, then I can sure as hell strike your dumb ass dead by lightning, in a cave. I’m the DM, kid. Suck it up.
So todays fake news wasn’t fake at all. Old Spice is gonna invade your world of D&D, bringing with it some funny and amazing stories and hopefully, a fresh clean smell to accompany that of Dorito’s and Code Red.