Tide Pods Nutritional Facts…

It’s 2018. Science is moving with leaps and bounds. We’ve seen advances in genetics and medicines, modern miracles, and amazing technology. Our children learn more now in the 3rd grade than many of us did in Junior High. Welcome to the glorious future! Why then, do I turn on the TV and hear that people are eating Tide pods. Eating detergent. WTF.

Hmm..Tide Pod or Peanut Butter Cup..

Well now. There’s a HUGE step backward for mankind. Maybe its just a Darwinian thing…Ya know, “Survival of the Fittest”? Don’t get me wrong…I understand that little kids don’t know everything yet. They need good parents who can guide them and teach them simple and basic things in life. Like not to eat detergent. And the argument, “But..it looks so tasty, like candy…” Stop right there, moron. It doesn’t look tasty. Its a freakin’ Tide Pod. Nothing about the taste of bitter, death causing poison appeals to me.

Maybe I’m not cool enough. Then again you don’t see my ass in the emergency room, looking all stupid. Lets look around: That guy was in an accident. That lady over there has the flu..and here you are, rightfully being judged by people who really need help, because your dumb ass thought eating a Tide Pod would be funny/cool/ whatever stupid reason it was. Enjoy the time in a hospital bed, vomiting and feeling like your insides are trying to escape thru your skin. Wondering how you or your parents gonna pay for this, because I highly doubt ANY insurance will cover “Being an Idiot”.

Maybe I’m being too harsh, I don’t know. I just remember how cautious my parents were. Always making sure I wasn’t accidentally eating medicine or anything else dangerous. I remember my poor Father would always tell my Mom, “Make sure the boy knows that’s not candy”. Her reply was usually something along the lines of “Honey he knows…He’s 17 years old.” Vigilant parents. That’s a key factor here. Because some of todays 17 year olds are seemingly dumb enough to actually eat poison. So parents, watch the kids. Be active in what they are into and guide them. Because currently, the future doesn’t seem so bright…

Well. This explains ALOT

This rant brought to you by Fake News Nate, and his desire to understand why the hell anyone wants to eat a gross ass Tide Pod. Also, the header was very misleading. Its turns out there is no nutritional value to eating detergent. Go figure. Thanks for reading and keep your eyes open out there. I promise I’ll get back to being funny, if I ever really was. Or maybe that’s Fake News…After all, you can’t screw up the facts when you never tell the truth.


Do me a solid, folks! Like, share, subscribe, go tell it on the mountain! Lets grow this thing! Blue ridge report is bent on world domination…

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